You ever...

just have one of those hard days, where you're just can't be consoled? MAN...if today wasn't that day...I just got to thinking...that on top of a hard life...I made it harder...and it's crazy...because I now can look back on a decision that I made and see where God told me to go...and see where I went...and it's been a LOOOOOONG road to...here...which is still not the fulfillment of the full vision of me as God sees it...in love with a man, ever patient, because he knows...and I thank him for that...learning about God ALLLLLL over again...He knows my heart...and I've given it to Him...he's able to fix allllll ills...it's so beautiful...all the things in my life right now are very...different...I'm trying to focus on everything...trying my best to balance it all out...and so far it seems ok...I believe I can greatly improve my prayer life, reading time...all of that...and I am/will. It's so hard to come back to something you didn't know you were slowly walking away from. I have realized so many things about myself over the past several weeks...have processed SO MANY emotions...it's all so...new...so...refreshing...I feel like...if I know how I feel, I can properly articulate...I know God knows my heart, but I want to be able to talk to Him about my pain, my hurt, and get over it...I want to rejoice in Him every day, focus on Him, and not see through someone else's eyes...because I need that for days like this...I get tired of being sensible, rational, having to make the exact right decision, or I'm screwed...it's exhausting...I know that everything in life doesn't come easy...but can some things? Ever? Sure doesn't feel like it...but I AM blessed...so I must say thank you Lord for being there for me...