In the Name of Love...

Anyone who knows me knows I'm SUCH an advocate of black love...I'm an advocate of lovve period, but as a black person I can say there are certain things within our culture in the love department that are severely screwed up, so when I see Black Love...I am all smiles...I know that within my own love story, I have been so blessed to have someone to give me so much, and add so much to my life. Within relationships, there are so many things to consider, so many things to do, to be careful of...and you have to worry about this other person, you know? But when you have a partner, it doesn't seem like so much...and you always want to have someone who's with you no matter what...they have staying power...again, in that area I've been blessed...there are many things through which my S/O has continually been by my side, encouraging and coaching me through...he puts up with a lot and still snaps when I'm trippin, lol...and I recognize the fact that he's very patient...I love it. I love him...and I can without doubt tell you he loves me...

There are some things that are just to be commended, and I definitely commend my boyfriend for truly being able to be a friend, and a man, a shoulder and for simply being the best...here's to you love...

She's a BRICK...HOOUUSE

Ok, I've been tiny my whole life and I never felt that I was particularly sexy, or whatever. I was always tiny breasted, no hips...a little butt, whatever. I put on a little weight starting a couple years ago, and I was like...aight, ok, I see you Kelli!! I was a little hype, feel me? I kept on bout my business, doin me, ya know. So as I keep going, my butt gets a little bigger, my thighs get a little thicker and my miniature boobies fill on out...OWWWWW! I think to myself...more attention, I feel a little more confidence, not that I didn't have any before, but I always wanted my body to look a certain way...so to me it was like...dag finally! I'm looking at all my relatives, with all the behind and them hips and whatever else and wondering, dag, why it skip me?!?! So anyway, I got it now...welllllllll...now my waist starts to plump, and plump...and plump...so I am now a two liter...no longer a coke bottle...and I'm telling you it WEARS on your emotions, that helpless feeling. When being thin is effortless, and you don't have to watch what, when, where you eat, it is one of the hardest things on earth to change...and being sedentary for so long, not working out, to now me going to the gym every day, is crazy!!! I mean, in the long run, I'll feel better and my body will become more flexible and better looking, but it's so HARD right now...I was on the verge of tears today just knowing how much I weigh...going from size 0's and 2's and 4's, 6's and under to 12, 14? Nah...not for me...so I've made a change, I've begun to work out regularly, and will continue to until this waist gets under control!!! For you big girls that love it, MORE POWER TO YOU! So long as you're healthy, but I have noticed the decline in my confidence, and the worst thing is that people feel it necessary to tell you you've gained weight...DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW! Jerks.

OOHHHHHHHHHH My hair!!!

SO, I ran into the first person to really let me know they didn't like my hair! AND it didn't phase me! CLAPS FOR ME! Now, I feel really good about this fact because I really had a time adjusting, although it didn't take me that long, I was really self conscious about it for a while. Now that I've gotten comfortable with it and I'm settled with the idea of it being a process, I can deal with the right now. I feel beautiful, and it's funny to me that some people really don't like it. I LOVE it...so don't let folks talk you out of doing things that you feel is what's best for you, because they're simply not you...only you know how you feel...

We are a family...

Nothing to me is more special than a family. I had the opportunity to spend time with my sig fig and his family, and I watched, participated and reflected. I love to observe his family, because a lot of things in my family are different than his, and I think it's beautiful! His family is not without it's quirks, but it is a functional, very close knit-unit. I watched as they laughed, took pictures, joked on both his mom and dad's sides, and it was nice to be around, you can tell they love and respect one another. On my side of the fence, it's not quite so pretty, and I began to wonder how much of that responsibility lies with me. Admittedly I don't put forth much effort with much of my family, but I can say that it's just so exhausting. I feel like much of everything is left up to me! I have to call, I have to stop by, I have to check on everyone else, and that's tiring! I have 7 siblings, two grandmothers, one with 14 brothers and sisters, 3 aunts, one uncle and 20+ first cousins on my mother's side...that's a lot of keeping up! None call and check on me, and a lot of the excuse is not having a way to contact me...well there are only so many times I'm going to give you my number...

Blessedly, I got a brief reprieve from that this weekend, they may not see each other all that often, but when they do it's all love, and it's beautiful...I may have to put in overtime to try to mend and rebuild some of the broken relationships in my own family but if the end result is what I encountered this weekend then I guess I welcome the challenge.