I don't have any patience. I am learning more and more each day how to deal with the things around me that I don't like. I have developed this sense that if I din't like it, it has to go. Period. Well, too bad the rest of the world doesn't think so. So I realized that I spend majority of my time attenpting to rid myself of the silliness around me, to no avail. I am allowing this to affect my day, which is not only crazy, but unhealthy. I HAVE to learn how to control my anger and irritation, otherwise I could be setting myself up for tomething I don't want. HOWEVER...there is some stuff that is just flippin ridiculous out there...I can't take it.

I'm taking this class on Western Religion...well my problem with people who don't practice any kind of faith, they always got something crazy to say about those that do. Well, I'm a Christian, and I believe certain things, but they're my beliefs. Given the opportunity, I will share them with you. If not...hopefully you will have noticed what I am anyway.

There are various other ways I'm feeling, but they don't need to be on here...love and don't be stupid. Bye.

Oh...

So I'm thinking, a friend of mine told me today that the thing he likes about me is my consistency, and that he always knows what he's going to get with me. Now, some may argue and say I am sometimey, and don't always want to speak or whatever, but that has more to do with my moody personality and nothing to do with you, and even in that, I'm consistent:O) But here's what I thought about today...I've not always been consistent, I've spent majority of my life trying to adapt to the desires of others for me, and I've always tried to adopt the admirable qualities in others that I saw, because I've always been so different, and people have always pointed that out, and it doesn't always feel good. And I don't know what happened, all of a sudden I got tired, tired of trying to be someone I wasn't...and now I'm me. Less inhibited, lol. I would say UNinhibited, but uh, there's not a person on this earth that is truly that. But I am myself, and you can deal or not, makes me no never mind. But you will always know where you stand with me, because if I don't like you, I will NOT smile in your face, and act like I do. If I love you, you'll know it, trust me. As a result, I've become a more consistent person, and I like that. I too, have come to expect certain things from others in this regard, being that they need to be consistent, but I've found that MOST people just aren't, and it's very sad. Try to add some consistency to your behavior.

I'm sleepy, and I love Reggie. yeah.

Whoooo...

Ok, so I've had this enlightened moment...and I realized that I'm personally done with this area...ya'll know where I'm at, lol...so NOW, at this point, I'm only here until God sees fit to provide me with the much awaited opportunity to be elsewhere. I find myself engulfed in a myriad of emotions, and I fight not to be overwhelmed daily...the bible talks about that kind of thing...I must look it up.

I also find myself wanting to sing again, that is all.

Within my walk with God, I have struggles, and I am well aware of my shortcomings, but to God, my shortcomings are a whole other matter, without total faith I cannot please Him, therefore I will have to become more spiritually disciplined...I will walk you through this journey.

MY HAIR!!! I'm trying to be patient, I have a girlfriend who said it took her hair a year to lock...I love being natural though, and the end result will be WELL worth it.

Weight loss...I've lost 5 lbs...many more to go.

Relationship...nunya business, lol, like I haven't written WHOLE blogs about this man...but I'm not ashamed of my relationship, or the love that we share...even if we broke up, I would still be very proud of the beautiful time we have shared...that's my baby, and thoughts of him bring secret smiles...

Uh...my friendships are vastly improving! Who would have thought? Ok...I'm done...

Salutations...

Some things are hard to say...

but need to be said, even when you're talking to yourself. You know, insecurity in a woman can be a very bad thing, it makes us act very irrationally sometimes. As a woman with certain insecurities, I can definitely vouch for that. I am a very emotional person, and most of my emotions you can read straight from my face. I also can feel when something is bothering me, within my whole body, it's ridiculous. As I'm feeling more and more tired by the moment, I will discontinue this blog, lol...goodnight...

Hello good people...

Dear Diary...lol...that's kind of how this feels sometimes...I'm feeling a little turbulence right now... I FINALLY feel that connection I've been waiting for, that pull and desire...not as strong as it was or is gonna be, but it's there, and encouraging...but like I said, I yet feel some turbulence. I am beginning to wonder about the things people say sometimes...you know, whenever you're pushing toward something, or making a decision, if something happens in the midst or something goes wrong, you're told it will all get better, or it just must not be for your good or some other such typical response...what if, however, none of that is true? Sometimes, things just happen. Sometimes I think we contradict ourselves...

Anyway, I'm sure someone, or all ya'll have no idea what I was talking about up there, that's ok, it was for me kinda anyway, lol.

In the Name of Love...

Anyone who knows me knows I'm SUCH an advocate of black love...I'm an advocate of lovve period, but as a black person I can say there are certain things within our culture in the love department that are severely screwed up, so when I see Black Love...I am all smiles...I know that within my own love story, I have been so blessed to have someone to give me so much, and add so much to my life. Within relationships, there are so many things to consider, so many things to do, to be careful of...and you have to worry about this other person, you know? But when you have a partner, it doesn't seem like so much...and you always want to have someone who's with you no matter what...they have staying power...again, in that area I've been blessed...there are many things through which my S/O has continually been by my side, encouraging and coaching me through...he puts up with a lot and still snaps when I'm trippin, lol...and I recognize the fact that he's very patient...I love it. I love him...and I can without doubt tell you he loves me...

There are some things that are just to be commended, and I definitely commend my boyfriend for truly being able to be a friend, and a man, a shoulder and for simply being the best...here's to you love...

She's a BRICK...HOOUUSE

Ok, I've been tiny my whole life and I never felt that I was particularly sexy, or whatever. I was always tiny breasted, no hips...a little butt, whatever. I put on a little weight starting a couple years ago, and I was like...aight, ok, I see you Kelli!! I was a little hype, feel me? I kept on bout my business, doin me, ya know. So as I keep going, my butt gets a little bigger, my thighs get a little thicker and my miniature boobies fill on out...OWWWWW! I think to myself...more attention, I feel a little more confidence, not that I didn't have any before, but I always wanted my body to look a certain way...so to me it was like...dag finally! I'm looking at all my relatives, with all the behind and them hips and whatever else and wondering, dag, why it skip me?!?! So anyway, I got it now...welllllllll...now my waist starts to plump, and plump...and plump...so I am now a two liter...no longer a coke bottle...and I'm telling you it WEARS on your emotions, that helpless feeling. When being thin is effortless, and you don't have to watch what, when, where you eat, it is one of the hardest things on earth to change...and being sedentary for so long, not working out, to now me going to the gym every day, is crazy!!! I mean, in the long run, I'll feel better and my body will become more flexible and better looking, but it's so HARD right now...I was on the verge of tears today just knowing how much I weigh...going from size 0's and 2's and 4's, 6's and under to 12, 14? Nah...not for me...so I've made a change, I've begun to work out regularly, and will continue to until this waist gets under control!!! For you big girls that love it, MORE POWER TO YOU! So long as you're healthy, but I have noticed the decline in my confidence, and the worst thing is that people feel it necessary to tell you you've gained weight...DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW! Jerks.