Mother's Day and more

I'm feeling ok today, but I discovered a new thing for the FIRST time this year. I'm sad I'm not a mom yet! Which then made me sad that I don't have a relationship lmao. But I've been hashing this out in my brain for sometime, and I realize I probably haven't made much room for one. It's difficult for me to invest fully in relationships when so many people are sooooo untrustworthy! I tend to love like, super hard, so I'm HELLA guarded. Also, I've chosen poorly in the past...so there's that lol. Giving love to someone who just shits all over it makes you kinda hesitant to give it out again, and then when you meet someone new you're overthinking everything they do so you can make sure not to be hurt again smh. The thing is, hurt is unavoidable, but when you've never had a successful love, it reallllllllly makes you wish it was. I miss the feeling of security you have when you know your partner is in it with you. So many of us are so cynical and negative and believe that everyone is incapable of being loyal, faithful...or anything else positive. I mean in life, we will definitely all go through some things, and endure some betrayals, but I just can't believe that no one will give me, or anyone else who desires, the love they need. Of course I'm in the stage of life where I am reevaluating everything, and I realize there were some situations I could have nurtured more or handled better, but that's a part of life, right? Can't rewind the past, so we must learn for the future. I know that I have perhaps not put the best energy out when it comes to love...but I can't help but hope that it will come to me as well and stay. I have friends, and we will see what comes of that! Otherwise I'll just start collecting cats and get my license to foster kids lol...I'll foster anyway at some point but I've got to get myself together first. There are things in my life that make me feel like I'm not worthy of a life partner, BUT, I just know that means those things will be inconsequential to the person I end up with and they'll make me feel safe. Good times! I'll keep you posted, if one of these knuckle head men get it together.