Not a good feeling...

I don't think I've ever felt more lonely than I do right this moment...just really feeling the fullness of the separation from most of the people I care about recently...I hate to sound like such a whiner...but my emotions are always so STRONG, and it's just how I feel...I have such a desire to be closer to my family, and I could...but the force that always seems so much stronger in me is being alone...I've always been alone...I never visted relatives as a child...and I was kept from my brothers and all my mother's side of the family...so while it is torturous for me, it comes naturally for me to isolate myself...sounds crazy huh? I have no idea what to do with these feelings...no idea how to manage...I want to feel normal...not that I feel crazy all the time...but I just want to be able to interact normally, without all the extra...Lord help...I think that with time, it will change...but for now...it's quite unmanageable...I wish I could let someone feel what it's like to feel so detached...separate from everyone you love...*sigh*