Selfish...

I've heard previously that I'm a selfish person. The definition is below:
devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

Now, with that definition being above...I'll have to say...HELL NO I'M NOT. There was a time in my life where I had to ask help for everything. I couldn't take care of myself, wasn't doing well, and had to depend on others a lot. And admittedly I believe I felt like if you have it and I don't...help! And perhaps that was wrong, but I was young, so what do you expect??? Now as an adult, I admittedly cater to my own desires, because I DON'T have someone who is interested in what I want. I'm not in a relationship, my parents are deceased, my brothers are grown and have their own families...so, isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Make myself happy? I don't do it at the expense of others, so what's wrong with that???

I think I've stated previously that in my family, the relationships are definitely one sided. I'm expected to keep up with everyone else...only a few...no, correction, I have ONE cousin who calls me once a month, but other than that, I'm expected to visit, call, and otherwise keep in touch. Is it selfish that I would like someone to check on ME? I don't think so.

I like things the way I like them...that is true. But lately I've really learned to go with the flow. I can make a suggestion and people decide they want to go another route and I say ok, even if I think my thought was much more efficient or better, or whatever. I can't win them all, and I get that.

In my friendships I'm trying to get better, and I think they are all good, wonderful people who love me, and I love them. I want to be able to show them that I care about them, and I want to be certain they really care about me also. I'm learning not to focus on myself so much, and to allow them to share themselves with me, and not make it about me in the process. THAT is a big admission! I made that admission FOREVER ago. It is what it is, and I am who I am. I KNOW me, can many people say that?

In relationships? I don't know...we all have our shortcomings. I just have to learn that no one will have EVERYTHING I'm looking for, but there are certain things I don't have to settle for either. The aggressive, outspoken person that I am understands fully how to behave in a relationship, but of course I have my flaws. Some will be able to deal, some will not. :O)

I'm working on being able to hear about myself...make sense? I don't do it well...but I'm getting better!