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I haven't blogged in a long time, and I wouldn't have today if I didn't feel the need to express myself so urgently. I tried to talk to a friend, but they were unavailable. I found out something through less than integral means, but that doesn't change what I now know. I don't want to deal with the knowledge I acquired so much as how I feel as a result. I'm hurt, only because I didn't know prior to giving a hell of a lot. I'm not upset about the giving, not upset that I was TOO open. I wanted to see what it would be like now that I'm in a different place. Now that I have a healthy frame of mind, I wanted to know how well I could handle it. I thought I did amazingly well. I enjoyed myself, let loose a little, gave in to the moment...it meant a lot more to me than I let on of course. And at the very end...someone definitely took a pin and burst my bubble. And I feel foolish. Very much so. You can't expect for someone to feel like you do, that's just silly. I just have a hard time with the more "emotional" emotions. Who was to know that I would cry over something so...so...I don't know what to even call it. No one can be considered wrong in this situation, that would be crazy. It still doesn't change what I know, and how I feel about it. Damn. It's just that I feel everything so deeply, you know? Like, good or bad, I totally immerse myself in that feeling...it's heady. So when something makes me feel bad, I want for it to be over, and I begin to put it off, thinking I'm doing away with it when I'm really just storing it. Now I try to take it in, deal with it, let it live a little and let go. I hope I can continue to do so. But I automatically want to reject the source of that pain.