Eh...

I hate when you're required to title something and you can't think of a title. My new default is...eh. LOL. OK, so my girl got married, and something at the reception struck me suddenly and deeply and I had to like, compose myself, I experienced this DEEP wave of emotion...at her reception, she danced with her daddy...and OMG my heart just DROPPED. I felt like an *** right there at my table...my cousin looked at me and asked if I was ok, and I said no, but I will be fine...not sure she new why I was so suddenly upset, but ah well. I realized that there are still going to be those moments where the deaths of my parents seem like they happened yesterday! And I wonder, when the HECK will I EVER be over this? Like...why can't I just be like, it happened, I'm so much stronger and yada...

I think that a part of me sees my friends that have such wonderful relationships with their families and parents and I look at my dysfunctional relationships, that are a result of my parent's deaths and I still long for that, so a part of me cannot let them go. I'm so glad that I can self examine but I for darn sure don't have the training to prescribe the cure. Continual prayer of course, but I'm sure there are some action steps, I just don't know how to take them, lol.

I learned too that I may not be as good a friend as I thought I was...hm. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm awesome, I will always be there for you if you need me, but I'm not good at the "showing myself friendly" part? That results in me feeling closer to people than they feel to me, because I'm assertive and I will lay my ish on the table for you, but I typically won't poke into your business, which makes some feel like they can't talk to me I guess...*sigh* I don't know, I just want to do better. That is all...