Goin through a thang...

So, I'm on this journey to true self discovery and happiness. Inner peace if you will. Making peace with my past, my decisions and confronting my ugly...which isn't so easy to do when you don't allow yourself to think about it or even fathom that it's ACTUALLY there. I've never had anyone in my life just say to me "This is raggedy about you...I'd like you to do better." and HEARING THAT SUCKS! Initially it's easier to throw a tantrum or deflect, or convince yourself that conceding that point means you're taking ALL the responsibility for "tragedies" and mishaps, disagreements and lost relationships...it does NOT mean that. It SIMPLY MEANS that you are that much closer to being a big girl, and that much closer to getting to your goal. It means you ARE learning that allowing someone to be in that space with you does NOT diminish your power, or your independence. I was initially headed into this journey kicking and screaming...now I'm just fighting my own sensitivities. It is SO HARD to have someone check you...that's my job in my eyes. I've never, ever had a hard time telling someone else what their issues were, or giving someone my opinion on something. But me? Nah, I'm cool on your thoughts, lol...they don't matter to me cuz I'm not going to change anyway. And THAT WAS TRULY my mentality! And I meant that thang, because folks have disappointed me and hurt me and not been there when I needed them to be, whether they knew I needed them to be there or not, I held them accountable for those things. It is TIME OUT for the old, and HIGH TIME I let in the new. And I will write more and more and more as I go, but dangit, I'm gettin there! I have less bad days, and more normal days, so that's a start!