Hola

Just thinking and thinking and thinking...I've been in this place where I'm standing still and totally not sure what to do next. I feel so...ya know funky sometimes and being beyond my past hasn't meant total peace for me. That part I guess is understandable. I think the thing that I've been struggling with more in the last year or so has been emotional, just not being able to get a grip on my feelings and reactions. I'm so paranoid about being hurt or something like that. So used to disappointment that I choose to place in my life. Most times the relationships I've had I've spent more time trying to give to that person and being about something for them, while they're not doing the same for me. It's so crazy how you can long for the consideration of another person, especially when you hardly consider yourself. There are many things I've faced and confronted about me, but maybe not to the extent that I've been 100. As a woman I have had to learn that lonely is not terrible. But I swear I wish it didn't FEEL like it.