Why must I feel like that?

So I woke this morning feeling very anxious/worried/off. I immediately got to praying. I also meditate, because I feel I have the tools to change my internal climate. I wanted to talk it out...so here I am, typing it out. I initially was feeling some stress because I'm working on so many things at once. I'm working on finances, working on this book, COMPLETELY overwhelmed in starting up this nonprofit. I believe that it will all come together though. I have to discipline my spending, and I think that it is coming. I've certainly gotten better with everything thank God. So anyway, I began to think on this past weekend. I'm in a new area, it's been a year this upcoming week! I have met some WONDERFUL people...and I'm not surprised, I love people. So that's good! Friendships have always been important to me because I grew up without many close ties to anyone in my eyes. I felt disconnected so my friendship circle is important because I simply don't fool with everyone like THAT. Whenever conflict arises I shy from it...seriously shy from it! I don't enjoy having to spaz on anyone I consider cool with me. I'd rather just distance myself from you, because why should I have to feel uncomfortable because YOU can't act right? Right? I don't know. But anyway, my home is like...my space...I don't like to have any riff raff, no extra in my home. If I ask you to come over, that means I have the expectation that you will respect me, AND my home! Unfortunately I had a friend step all the way over the line, sweep it up, and keep walking...and really my anger isn't about what they did, but moreso with myself because I know I'm always going to be on the journey to complete emotional healing because I felt GUILTY that I was SO UPSET. I felt bad because in my mind, there's no conversation to be had, I just cut things off. The idea that I feel like I owe someone who has offended me ANYTHING is abhorrent to me. I have to buck up, and learn how to deal with conflict! So this will be my challenge to myself. To handle things as they come and be direct, and NOT allow myself to feel like it's my fault that someone else misbehaves. I get to be friendly, I get to be attractive and sexy and all that, and that doesn't mean that I should be VIOLATED. It pisses me off that people think every friendly female is DTF. I like PEOPLE, male and female alike and I will NOT BE REDUCED to a mere sexual object. I refuse to allow ANYONE to dictate to me who I can befriend!