Thoughts.

I tend to be free in expressing myself through writing. I tend not to have many inhibitions when it comes to writing things down! Then I started to worry about how my posts really showed my internal climate. I can say now though, that I don't care because my freedom comes through my expressing truth. As a singer it's important I be able to convey my feelings. I have been on a long journey to a lot of things. I held in a lot of pain, hurt and anger at lots of people, surrounding lots of events. I feel as though I over the years began to be able to be more honest with myself about me, AND about how I felt. Once I got to a comfortable space though, I sat there, and really, REALLY tried to ignore a piece that was necessary. And truth be told I also discovered something about my feelings that I never spoke even to myself. I really genuinely thought I was angry for one reason and it turns out I was really hurt for an entirely different reason. Mad is much easier to speak on I guess! I'm a very sensitive and intuitive person. I FEEL people's energy and so when it's off it feels like a pile of bricks around me...sounds crazy but it's true! That's the best way for me to describe it. But anyway, I have a LOT of work to do on myself, but I was able to address people that I wouldn't have and haste myself and my truth with them. It meant the world to me to be able to do that because I hadn't. I carried a burden heavy for at least 13 years. If I can face that obstacle and step toward overcoming, I know I can handle everything else. Next thing is...I want to sing, and I'm SCARED. I hid in groups for so many years I don't even know how to push myself forward! I know that I have to though in order to start to feel some sort of peace. I want to start to help young women with stories like mine also. I believe I truly can help because I remember feeling like it was silly to be hurt for so long, to be scared to say anything. To hold everything in and be crazy on the inside. To not be able to truly connect to people or accept what those relationships offered. And also to try to be someone you're not in order to feel I fit SOMEWHERE. I'm still on my journey but trust I'm very far from the starting line. I'm now ready to work!