Progression is painful.

This last year I have challenged myself in ways that I never would have been able to fathom. Ever. I moved from my hometown of 28 1/2 years (I lived in Bloomington for 1 1/2 years for school) and relocated across the country, on the east coast in an area I never even knew I'd totally fall in love with. I started my book, with the aim of helping those who have felt the way that I have, or been through some of the things I've been through. I have always had this tendency to downplay my own feelings to consider the feelings of another, which feels inauthentic to me. I enjoy being totally forthright and open with myself and others. I am learning to change my inner climate, and stop concentrating so much on trying to change my atmosphere. I realize that things will not always happen with my comfort in mind. I also realize that if I do not act to ensure my own comfort, no one else will either. It's funny, because at home I always felt that I was a flower who was stuck in her bud, never having the opportunity or enough confidence to bloom. Now that I'm in a new area, I still am having issues blooming, although I can say it's happening much faster than I thought! It's natural for me now to not even try to pursue things I've desired. It's silly really. I've wanted to go to auditions that I didn't because I talked myself out of it, procrastinated with singing because of my fear of failure, which has never really been a problem. It's all this fear of rejection I have. It's the fact that once I put that out there, it's out there, no turning back! I'm open to whatever criticism folks might have and singing...my voice is the most personal and intimate piece of me. You can sing through all your feelings and it leaves you open and raw. It's not like that for everyone, I get that, and folks who aren't into music like that may not get it either...but that's it. It's that personal. I feel much better now than I did when I woke up, nerves all over the place. All will be well. I'm doing some serious typing with this book, and I've found my co-writer, which is very, very exciting. Things are looking up!